There’s only one thing worse than being apart from your husband…not being able to talk to him at all. It feels like something is missing in each day. I keep waiting for that point in the day when I get a call from him, but they never come. I work my schedule around that call, making sure that I have finished all my tasks so that I can sit back and enjoy talking to my husband. But this only leads to boredom as I’ve finished everything there is to do for the day in eager expectation that I will be talking on the phone for awhile…but it doesn’t happen.
Some days are better than others. I have those days where the hole in my heart, the ache of wanting so desperately to hear his voice, to know he’s okay, just never seems to close. The shadow of his absence, both physically and vocally, looms over me. These days turn into nights that contain many dreams of him returning, of our embracing, of our reunification, only to wake up and continue to have that ache of him not being there.
But then there are those days of hope, knowing that I will hear him again, that I will see him again. The sun seems to be shining just when I need it most. I feel the peace of God reassuring me that the time will pass, and before I know it, I’ll be with my husband again. That peace, and the hope it gives me, allows me to endure one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to.
there are those days of hope
Romans 5:3-4 (ESV) says, “Not only that, but we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us.” This verse resonates deeply with me, especially during a time where endurance and hope are the only things that will pull me through. They redirect my focus onto God’s character, His gifts to us, and the power of the Holy Spirit I have in me to see that through Him, I can get through this hard time.
I think that we as Christians have this false impression that we are never going to endure hardships. Or, rather, the hardships we will endure will be extremely short and inflict little harm on us spiritually, physically, mentally, and emotionally. We have obtained an American mindset that once we grasp a certain level of comfort in any aspect, we obtain lifelong happiness with very little struggles. I am sorry to say that I have fallen into this mindset, thinking that I don’t deserve this pain and these struggles. That the world I live in should not bring about life altering changes, heartaches, or tears. I have fallen into the trap of believing that if I only try hard enough, I will obtain a life with no trials or suffering.
I could never be more wrong.
The one thing we as Christians tend to forget, or sometimes ignore for the sake of saving our minds the struggle of dealing with it, is that our pain will not go away as long as we live in a world dealing with the consequences of sin. No matter what heights we achieve, no matter the lifestyle we live, no matter where we live, no matter who we live with, suffering will always be reality. But there’s one other thing that we also forget, something that we should never forget. Christ offers us something that far outweighs the pain. He offers us a gift that makes the pain bearable. This gift isn’t a get-rid-quick scheme, because as many of us know, Christ’s gift of life doesn’t mean that we won’t endure hardships or pain in this world. But it does mean that we have hope. He offers us a great gift of hope.
I have to remember this. We have to remember this. I have to remember the hope that Christ has given me, the character He’s has molding me into, and the endurance He has blessed me with. I’m sure this analogy has been used before, but I think of an athlete. The athlete trains and trains and trains and trains, all the while building up his endurance with the hope that he will win the race. That’s the same mindset I, and we, need to have. I need to continue to “train” during this hard time of being away from my husband, both physically and in communication, so that I will grow closer to my Lord and Savior, and so that my suffering will produce endurance, character, and hope.
train for endurance, character, and hope
I want to make clear what type of training we are needing while away from our husbands. It’s not running laps and miles, or lifting weights. Our training involves many prayers, meditation on this verse, giving thanks to the Lord for even the smallest of things, making it through one day at a time, and all the while trusting the Lord that this hardship will produce in us endurance, character, and hope. It involves us casting our burden on the Lord daily. Literally, throw your burden’s on him. Act as if you’re holding the burden or anxiety of being apart from your husband and throw it. It’s okay to do this, because Christ cares for you (Psalm 55:22).
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Being away from your husband due to the military is extremely difficult. I want to encourage you to redirect your focus on the gift Christ has given you (even if you’re going through something else). Just as I’m challenging myself, I want to challenge you to keep enduring and to allow this situation to change your character and to give you hope.
I love looking towards the light at the end of the tunnel, counting down the days until I can speak to him again and see him again. It reassures me of the hope I have held onto and the endurance I have acquired through the dark tunnel. And I pray that my character has changed for the good of God’s kingdom. Keep working and training yourself until the light at the end of the tunnel arrives. Count down the days, continue to pray, and rejoice that you are one day closer to seeing your husband again:)