“She does him good, and not harm, all the days of her life.”
Proverbs 31:12 is a short and simple verse, but it’s a verse that stretches the length of your life. It requires a lifetime of action. Though it sounds tiring (and believe me, at some points it can be), the woman described in this poem is encouragement for us to do our husband good day in and day out.
With all the obligations we have on our plates, the vast amounts of emotions and events we deal with from one moment to the next, and the social standards that say it’s okay to act on whatever we feel whenever we want to makes it difficult to live out this verse. But as we’ll see here in a moment, the woman in this poem shows us how we can do our husband good and not harm, and where she finds her strength to continually do him good all the days of her life.
What does this verse say plain and simple?
At the very core, this verse says that she does him good, she actively does things that bring him good and not anything to harm him all the days of her life. Not his life, not their kids lives, but her life.
What does it mean?
It means that we are to bring our husband good by what we do, say, and even think all the days of our life, “till death do us part.”
What does it look like to do him good?
The important thing that we need to recognize about this verse before we know how to do our husband good is to understand that it requires consistent action. This verse is an action verse, she is doing things that bring good to him, she does him good. We cannot bring good to our husband by sitting on the couch everyday doing nothing – if anything, that would bring him harm. Doing him good requires action.
Look at the rest of the chapter (I promise, it’s not cheating!)
If we sneak a peak at the rest of this chapter, we’ll see that the woman described in this poem is actively doing things that are good, that make “her husband known in the gates” (v. 23). She is:
-working with willing hands (v. 13)
-bringing food from afar (v. 14)
-rising while it is yet night (v. 15) to care for her household
-making many things (v. 16, 17, 22, 24)
-being kind and wise (v. 26)
-fearing the Lord (vs. 30)
To relate this to the time we live in today, we can bring our husband good by:
-working with willing hands to clean the house, take care of the kids and/or the fur babies, or being willing to get a job to help with the income (if it is right for you to do so! If you’re not sure, check out this article: “Working in the Home vs. Managing a Home”).
-bringing food home from the grocery store (however far away it is) and cooking it.
-putting the needs of the household above our own, even if it means waking up early to do so.
-making dinner, making your husband coffee or lunch, making your husband and family a priority over other things (work, money, social media, etc.), making your arms strong by not being idle (doesn’t mean you have to go to the gym or be toned or muscular! My arms are not all that strong, they’re little sticks as my brother so lovingly calls them;)), or even doing the little things that make your husband’s life a little less hectic (regardless of whether it’s noticed or appreciated).
-being kind and wise
-fearing the Lord
Use your words to do him good
This verse not only means that we are to bring our husband good by what we do, but also by what we say (and even think). There have been many times in the past year and a half of my marriage that my mom has reminded me of the amount of influence, power, and effect my words have on my husband. She tells me that my words can either lift him up and make his day, or they can squish him under my foot. Whether your marriage is flourishing or hurting, you as a wife have the power to do your husband good through what you say.
Use your words to turn away wrath, to diminish anger, and to bring him good (Proverbs 15:1). Encourage him as he goes about his day, encourage him as your husband (1 Thessalonians 5:11). Or when you struggle to say anything that would bring him good, be “quick to hear, slow to speak, and slow to anger” (James 1:19). (This is a verse that has really been on my heart lately because I have not been so great at being quick to hear and slow to speak…).
Our source of strength to live out Proverbs 31:12
“From where does my help come? My help comes from the Lord, who made heaven and earth” (Psalm 121:1b-2). There’s your answer friends! Our source of strength to be able to do our husband good every single day of our life is the Lord.
The woman described in this poem is a woman who fears the Lord (v. 30). This is meaning that as she does the things that make her an excellent wife, she is looking to the Lord as her strength, seeking Him who will help her, and spending time with Him so that He will flow through her works and her words with her husband, her family, and her household.
Doing good and trying to accomplish everything this woman does can be and is tiring at points in our lives. There have been many times that I break down because I just can’t seem to do it all. And that’s okay! You don’t have to be the woman who does it all – we all have limitations as to what we can do.
But what we can do, we need to do well because we are called to do so. Colossians 3:17 says, “And whatever you do, in word or deed, do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus,” and 1 Corinthians 10:31 says”…or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God.” So whatever it is that we do, that each of us can do with our own limitations and opportunities, we are to do it well because we are doing it in the name of our Savior and for His glory.
How do I apply this to my life?
As we seek to make this verse a part of our lives, recognize that this verse should change us first to seek Christ as our strength to actively bring our husband good day in and day out.
It should change the way we view our husband, especially if we are struggling to love him or bring him good everyday. If we are struggling to even love him at the moment, go to the Lord asking fervently that He would give us that love.
It should change how we are encouraged to bring him good, not because of the blessings we’ll receive (Galatians 6:9), but because it will bring him blessings (and ultimately we will please and glorify God).
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(Pray this!)
Father, I pray that you would give me your guidance and your strength as we understand that doing my husband good is…good! I pray that you will show me exactly how I can actively and vocally bring my husband good within the limitations that I have in this life. I pray that my drive to do him good and to love him will stem from the love you show me each and every day. And that as a result, you will use me to bring him blessings. On the days that seem long and tiring, help me to continue to run the good race that you have set before me and to not grow weary of doing good. Amen.
